Numpty of the Year 2008…

by seoibiza on 31, March, 2009

D1g1tal Numpty Right it’s not often you happen across an absolute and total numpty of this magnitude, ..and we get to meet quite a few on our travels.

<< — Meet Dick, Dick is a proper numpty.

We’ve had the “pleasure” of “working with” this particular prima dona for coming up to a year now, he is (was) the incumbent flash designer on a client SEO project.

During the course of our work we get to meet and deal with lot of web designers, on both new build projects, and existing sites, and after long experience of the problems non-communication between designers and SEOs can cause we wrote “an open letter to web designers“as a humorous attempt at getting this message across before the problems start..  (Dick, go read it now ;) )

& We meet all types, from the good to the ugly and the whole spectrum through, but today’s numpty (for the purposes of the story lets call him Dick, it suits him) really takes the biscuit and is actually our

2008 Numpty of the Year.

The highlights of “working with” (and we use the term in the loosest possible sense) this self-absorbed, self important Dick over the course of an ongoing successful SEO campaign during 2008/09 were to prove to be:

  • Waiting 4 & 1/2 months initially, for a domain & hosting transfer, before being even able to start work after Dick shot himself in the foot by denying us access to do the work on his server, at which point client upped and left his hosting and took over her own. – always good idea, there are Dicks everywhere.. (metaphorically speaking :) )
  • No direct working courtesy communications whatsoever, beyond occasionally being included into his petulant whining to the client about the need for SEO work in the first place.
  • Random site deletions (three in total) of the whole HTML mirror site, the last time he did it, he did at least email to say he’d done it, the first 2 times we saw it on the link scanner or (missing from) the SERP some time afterwards.
  • Replacing the modified index page with a brand new one, missing our tuned Titles footers & tweaks

And this is where it gets good. Dick had recently been asked to do a quick visual overhaul on his previous site, but gleefully decided that he could now use the opportunity to update the Flash version and set it to show over 100% of the page, then those [nasty mean ol] footer links at the bottom of the page leading into the alternative HTML site wouldn’t show and all would be well in Numpty-Flash-World.

We of course only learned of this whilst trying to reinstate his aforementioned site deletions after noting SERP falls from missing pages.

On Dick’s being asked to reinstate the footers, after several thinly veiled ego driven attempts to thwart their reinstatement failed, he deteriorated into a semi-neurotic mess over the course of an afternoon’s group email conversation between us and the client.

We were not just being pedantic about this, as anyone with the faintest clue knows, Google will potentially ban any site that has hidden links, ie links that Engines can see and users can’t, and that’s exactly what we had. They clearly and specifically state in the Google webmaster guidelines on hidden links

If your site is perceived to contain hidden text and links that are deceptive in intent, your site may be removed from the Google index and will not appear in search results pages. When evaluating your site to see if it includes hidden text or links, look for anything that can’t be easily viewed by visitors of your site. Are any text or links there solely for search engines rather than visitors?

Despite having been sent the Google Webmaster Guidelines link (twice) and having the paragraph quoted in bold red in the 3rd email, below are quoted some of the things Dick sent to us (and client whilst trying to convince them of our ineptitude) via email yesterday as he slowly unraveled, our comments in red

  • You wouldn’t get banned from google [for hidden links] that’s overkill / paranoia / absurd / a joke!
  • As said before he is wrong re google… you’ve been on it for years before he came along!!!!!!![ranked for company name only and had no hidden links]
  • It has no impact re google – not rowing about it – I know that is the case – don’t have to prove anything! Have lost over an hour already on this now – times up!
  • I know what i’m up to but not quibbling as said before. ..Nothing to prove
  • don’t know why you’re advocating this clunky approach???? It’s just confusing [client name] and making my life stressful!
  • You are 100% wrong about these links / google / flash.
  • you don’t see the best flash sites in the world looking like this! [as if he makes them]
  • All done… looks terrible and totally unnecessary!
  • The html site looks shocking. Totally shocking!!!! What if people click the links???? [shock horror - people click links on a website]
  • What a waste of my VALUABLE time……… NEVER AGAIN.
  • U dropping that cash off today too as agreed? [to client cc-ed to us]
  • Cash today, not asking. [to client cc-ed to us]

and our personal favourite, oh the irony.. :)

  • I AM F**KIN TECHNICAL DIRECTOR AT [STRUGGLING AD AGENCY] I KNOW MORE TECH STUFF THAN LITTLE WEB GIMPS LIKE U. THINK BEFORE U SCITZ LOSER.

And when we offered him some internet exposure here to see what the general (and SEO) public thought of his assertions he said all plastic gangster stylee..

Its a deal…. do whatever pathetic tricks turns u on and want and watch your little world come crashing down…..

Think ur tough – a blog – what a gansta!

You’re fu**ing with something far greater than u could possibly fathom little man….. stay away or get a slapping.

:) ….BWHAHAHahahahahaha!!!!!!!!  ..It goes on but you probably get the idea.

Now neurotic instability in itself is not so uncommon in creatives without a clue, but from an IT Contractor who is allegedly the Technical Director of a large very well known ad agency, and according to his own amateur-looking (Flash) website has allegedly worked for Nokia, The BBC, T Mobile, United Media, blah blah blah, so you really would expect Dick to be a bit less of a numpty.

Hopefully he isn’t “advising” all his “corporate clients” that hiding links on their sites will be fine, or having neurotic jealousy attacks if anyone suggests using an SEO firm to bring traffic to his numpty Corporate Flash sites, because after all:

“they are all at the top of Google” anyway..

..yea course they are Dick, just like your own site  is ;)

The irony of it all is that before he had his semi-public email nervous breakdown, he had also emailed us just prior to this asking if we would like to be his SEO partner for his long-time-coming company launch, and amongst other things how we could go about removing the SEO HTML from the site and replacing with.. ..well, you try and work out what numpty was on about..?

Also, would love to chat re the logic of seo, and how ultimately i can modify the structure of her files to increase awareness of content pages – surely if you’re recreating .html pages for seo purposes i could put some magic in the .html source files of her flash site and connect those as well. Flash obviously will ignore any .js and .css refs in the html so surely we could just add a seo.js file to the site and all would be easier…..

Lolwut? ..you want to do what? ..can we just put some SEO “magic” in a javascript file, & show HTML pages through flash?

all would be easier…....has since been shown to mean

“remove the alternative HTML site,  (for disabled users & users without Flash , as well as SE visibility) and the footer links to it”

…er yea, it doesnt quite work like that. Dick.

what a numpty.

so.. Dick, here you go, when you read this do feel free to put your side of things in the comments, and if you really want a taste of the power of “SEO Magic” let us know and we can include your name in the title tags here and put this post in the top 3 right under your numpty LinkedIn profile above your  own numpty site ;)

If you decide instead to skulk away and remain anonymous, good luck with your upcoming company launch, with the levels of professionalism and concern over customer care and satisfaction and their general online business prospects you demonstrated yesterday (and for the previous year in fact) it can’t possibly fail ;)

..and everyone else, we’d love to know your thoughts on whether Google would ban you for hidden links?

Update 8pm Dick has seen the post, it ranks #1 & 2 for Numpty of the year (of course)

Instead of responding he chose to email the client whining some more  (cced us in ) and asking them to call us off and making vague threats of legal action (about an anonymous post on the internet lol!!)

Interesting ..  ..this is “our little world coming crashing down” is it? Our “slapping”? :)

We’ve offered a conditional surrender. He apologises to both the client and us and we will delete and forget. Very fair under the circumstances.

will keep you updated..

numpty of the year

{ 9 trackbacks }

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{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }

Susan Kishner 31, March, 2009 at 11:27 am

Hi,

I’m just getting started with my new blog. Would you want to exchange links on our blog-rolls?

BTW – I’m up to about 100 visitors per day.

seoibiza 31, March, 2009 at 11:38 am

hello Susan.

we don’t really do that, we would link to a site if we like it, and leave it up to them if they want to link to us, but have a dofollow link anyway ;)

Tam @ Smith Travel Blog 31, March, 2009 at 12:59 pm

Numpty is not the word! Which school of web design did he go to? Remind me to bomb it with my ninja link bomb dropping techniques.

Seriously though – if ever a design company talked to me as a client like that regarding a piece of SEO expert advice I would sue their sorry arse!

seoibiza 31, March, 2009 at 1:17 pm

heh :) there is only room enough for one expert in Dick’s mind. Three years SEO experience is apparently

3 years experience – STOP WASTING MY TIME LITTLE MAN – GO BACK TO SCHOOL. YOU’VE SAID IT ALL, U KNOW SH*T ALL!!!!!

I feel sorry for you…. ITS THAT SIMPLE.

fruitcake.

Ibiza Blog 31, March, 2009 at 1:20 pm

Ha Class, he obviously is a numpty!!

We deal with people like this from time to time, i feel sorry for clients that have got tied up with people who can be so unprofessional.

I find a lot of these people also advertise SEO as a service on their websites.

Not having hidden links and text on a page are probably the most basic rules of seo, Unfortunately this method is still used by developers and bad SEO’s as initially it can get rankings though ultimately they are false rankings and the site will crash and burn.

Matt Inertia - Marketing Music Online 31, March, 2009 at 1:24 pm

Erm… How old is this guy? Are you sure he isnt a 16 year old that thought he could bluff his way into the industry.

“You’re fu**ing with something far greater than u could possibly fathom little man….. stay away or get a slapping.”

Har har! These sort of lines always get me! Is that a metaphorical slapping or a physical one?! Well dude, ill be more than happy to act as your UK based representative if he wants to come and slap me instead…

An absolute pebble and a disgrace to the industry.

seoibiza 31, March, 2009 at 1:31 pm

:) hello lads.

so it’s not just me being a bit of a stickler for the rules then?

lol@ “pebble”

he’s mid 40′s I should think and you’d crack up if I told you the name of the Ad agency.

Matt – mailed you his site check it out. :)

Aries 31, March, 2009 at 1:58 pm

lol @ this. is it for real? holla if you want to Stumble his dumb ass Viral.

seoibiza 31, March, 2009 at 2:15 pm

let’s wait and see if he dares show his face first.

it’d go bigger if the Ad Agency name comes out. :)

I don’t think he’d have the bottle to come and try and defend the indefensible.

seoibiza 31, March, 2009 at 8:46 pm

ok Dick has resorted to supposedly caching this page with his solicitor and is allegedly not going to respond any further.

Without predudice

Cease or face up to the harsh reality of the situation you’re putting yourself in. Your webpage etc is cached with my solicitor….

Nothing to apologise for. Read your email trail etc… and mine.

I will no longer respond..

and silly SEOibiza there was us thinking Libel had to mention someone’s name :)

It’s a retreat if not a surrender anyway.

So it looks like he gets the honour of an SEOibiza anonymous “Numpty of the Year” award henceforth then.

anyone who wants to know who this to protect your business from potential negligent damage from this individual please contact us by email.

Nobby 31, March, 2009 at 10:48 pm

lol, priceless. I like the idea of an offical Numpty of the Year award. I would love to take a look at this guys site/work.

Jason Thomas 31, March, 2009 at 11:10 pm

wow. “I’ve lost over an hour on this now. Times up”

did he really say that? a whole hour, compared against his client’s whole business?

wow again. what an ass.

seoibiza 1, April, 2009 at 9:11 am

@ Nobby, emailed on the other forum, check it out.

@ Jason yes he really said that. every line quoted in this post is a direct cut and paste from emails apart from if we added [red] comments

he is a disgrace.

Ibiza - Numpties Puppies Ladies & Funnies - SEO Spec Ops 1, April, 2009 at 1:22 pm

[...] HQ have been dishing out Google bashings to Numpties quite well enough without our help, but we suspect we may get an order to rank the post for his name (without including his name in it, a spec ops speciality [...]

Ventana travel 1, April, 2009 at 8:27 pm

So are you going to tell us who he is then? I think he should be named and shamed.

seoibiza 1, April, 2009 at 8:45 pm

so do I believe me and it’s not his lame threats of legal action preventing us either. he is so utterly clueless as to believe he can actually do something about an anonymous blog post :)

he is also apparently “an old friend” of the client too lol, who needs enemies eh?

the reason we aren’t is because we dont believe in forcefully outing people, even though if anyone deserves it it’s this clown.

we were hoping he would continue to exhibit the same kind of delusional self grandeur he has up until this point and have some balls I suppose.

he must finally see he’s facing utter humiliation here and so skulked his cowardly behind outa here.

..if he really is the TD of this big advertising firm they would surely be interested to hear what a total numpty they have in charge though?

not the kind of thing we would do unfortunately, now if they just happened to see his name on the front page of Digg, that’s another thing.

so looks like we’ll have to content ourselves with ranking his anonymous trophy in every possible place we can .. make sure he sees it from time to time etc.. :)

Aries 2, April, 2009 at 8:32 am

Good-o – will get linking at this with his name then.

seeya later on.

seoibiza 2, April, 2009 at 8:42 am

I was just reading his employment info properly in the various disjointed bits of his personal site floating about in Google.

I don’t think he is the TD at the company he claims, looks like he was an IT contractor for a 3 month contract there which wasn’t renewed (means he’s rubbish) or it was a perm job he got fired from after 3 months? :)

I worked in IT recruitment for a while and now I recognise this prima dona nonsense. Most of the contractors we worked with were sound as, but there were a few proper Dicks there too.

anyone really interested in knowing who it is could try a Google search for: “video/flash asset creations ”

..and when you dig up his funny looking blog be sure to say “Hi” in his comments and do feel free to tell him he is wrong with regards being banned by Google and should be thinking of his clients and not himself.

ade 2, April, 2009 at 6:08 pm

PMSL – you just gotta love the net – next time i see you remind me to tell you about how the ims dealt with todays announcement ;)

RockACA 2, April, 2009 at 7:06 pm

This guy is a right tool. So the bit where google CLEARLY STATE that they will not rank sites with hidden links didn’t give him a clue that it cause problems for your client????

WHAT A NUMPTY…

….cache that!

LULZ

seoibiza 3, April, 2009 at 12:44 am

heh :) #89 for “numpty”

Google “Numpty”

keep the linklove coming boys, first page in 3 weeks ;)

Dick doesn’t even know what linkbait is, despite dangling a on hook as we speak.

seoibiza 3, April, 2009 at 11:24 am

So looks like Dick had another read of his trophy post yesterday pm and a bit of a look around the site as well.

click to see the Dick Trail ..wonder if he learnt anything?

Nishan Khednah 3, April, 2009 at 12:11 pm

I can only hope this numpty learns from this stupid silly mistake. It surprises me how many so called web designers / digital so & so’s are so clueless as to the importance of SEO, Online Marketing, Usability, Accessibility and so on!

Someone please send whoever this guy is Googles own very simple guide to SEO.

It annoys me when someone hinders a project and negatively effects a client.

I’m sharing some linklove for this post.

Peace

seoibiza 3, April, 2009 at 8:10 pm

yo Nish, how’s tricks?

dont think he’s going to mate, beyond help this one I fear. he signed off one of his earlier whiny emails with

ps Flash Rocks!” :)

yes, er.. course it does..

if he doesn’t get it now I dont think he’s going to. to be honest the rate the links are flying in, an apology would be a bit of a blow now, the longer it goes on, the worse it gets for him, the more he unwittingly helps our site. win win lol.

Blue Index 3, April, 2009 at 8:47 pm

Can I have his details please? I’d like to employ him to do some work on my competitors sites :P

very funny, I dint think there were any of these sorts left now.

Optimize 3, April, 2009 at 9:06 pm

Rule #1 dont hide text
Rule #2 dont hide links
Rule #3 dont break rules #1 & #2

its not exactly neurosurgery or rocket science is it?

RockACA 4, April, 2009 at 6:00 am

Flash is so f**king 1998!

edited with ** – no swearing here please ;)

seoibiza 4, April, 2009 at 8:02 am

@ Blue Index – it seems to be peculiarly common with Flash designers, have come across several deluded Flash Evangelists but none quite as clueless, unprofessional and rude as this.

@ RockACA – lol. I wouldn’t have gone that far but IMO it’s always been more of a gimmick and for first time website owners who want lame splash pages than for real business technology usage.

@ Optimize – No, it’s not, is it? :)

data loggers 5, April, 2009 at 1:50 am

This really is quite shocking behaviour. it really makes one wonder what motivates people to act like this.

rishil 6, April, 2009 at 11:12 am

I came across this when Nish Tweeted it out.

I cant believe the depth of ignorance and attitude some people have.

I would advise you to tell your client to get a second opinion – many SEOs would be willing to give one free if you highlighted what the situation is.

As for your numpty:

Numpty dumpty set on a firewall,
Numpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the flash in the world,
All the nasty emails he sends,
Couldnt put Numpty Dumpty together again.

Paul Anthony 6, April, 2009 at 11:15 am

I’d get rid of that watermarked stock image folks.

iStockPhoto copyright crawlers comin right at ya.

seoibiza 6, April, 2009 at 11:23 am

@ Rishil – technical situation has resolved itself, links are in place, client understands better than Numpty Dumpty :) does. he is however unrepentant, hence we still get to play..

@ Paul – ah yes thanks good shout, meant to buy it but cant access our account or find the logins.

seoibiza 7, April, 2009 at 12:13 am

Dick when you try the search next and see the blog at #4, don’t get too excited, it’s just Google dropped the post which they do randomly sometimes for the first week or two.

it will be back in #1 for that term, and a whole lot more besides in due course ;)

Ray Stiller 7, April, 2009 at 5:22 pm

I had the misfortune to deal with someone like this when I set up my website. Though I wanted to really throttle the idiot that caused me 6 months off hell (and I am a very peace loving man) I didn’t of course.

Numpty 2008 seems to have surpassed my experiences I had with erm lets call him numpty 2007. How dreadfully embarrassing life must be for numpty 2008 because what he has clearly made apparent to us and many more people is that he hasn’t got a clue.

I should imagine that numpty 2008 is the type of guy that stinks of aftershave and often resides in darkly lit nightclubs chasing young girls and telling them how important he is. Probably bullied at school because of his full blown acne and more than likely could count his close friends on one finger (mirrors don’t count numpty).

Incidentally I just popped into my local Ladbrokes betting shop to see if it was possible to place a bet on numpty 2008 retaining his title for next year and probably for the rest of his life alas they would not take my bet. Such a shame I would have put all my money on it. Well done numpty 2008 the next time you are telling your stories of professionalism, importance etc you can now add consistency and brag of the title that we are sure that you will hold for many years to come.

seoibiza 11, April, 2009 at 7:29 pm

lol good effort lads and lasses.. #15 for “Numpty” :)

Google search Numpty

..this gets 4-5000 searches a month globally according to Adwords External. soon to be famous digital numpty..

and another #1 for “SEO Numpty” Google SEO Numpty

seoibiza 14, April, 2009 at 10:40 pm

lol they’re piling up now, some more hits, all #1′s

Digital numpty

Numpty 2008

Numpty 09

Flash numpty

Numpty webbie

Tactical Sitrep Ibiza | SEO Spec Ops 20, April, 2009 at 8:43 pm

[...] The reason HQ’s Numpty is so confident he won’t get banned from Google is that he is doing the exact same thing on his own site, ..he has a bundle of hidden links to his “HTML pages” hidden behind a full screen Flash gay-scapade [...]

seoibiza 18, May, 2009 at 10:56 pm

heh heh and here Dick is, immortalised on the first page of Google.co.uk for “numpty”

Google search numpty

seoibiza 21, June, 2009 at 2:10 am

@ Ibiza Blog..

“I find a lot of these people also advertise SEO as a service on their websites”

lol. not advertising it no, but he’s put “SEO” in his meta keywords tag on his newly launched (flash) corporate site ..that should do it.. :)

and this post will be right under his unique domain name in a week or two now..

personalised gifts 28, September, 2009 at 6:20 pm

im not impressed seoibiza, we were going to launch a numpty santa gift for xmas and now well only get no2 ranking lol :)
i think you should do another bit of seo work for him for plonker now lol

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